So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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