All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
