I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
