Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
