my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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