I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
