There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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