wat bout pragnant strippers??
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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