Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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