Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
