i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
