I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
