Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
