that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
