Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
