I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
