You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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