I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Who died my cat blue again?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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