He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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