why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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