mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
