I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Less talking, more tequila
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
