I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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