just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
