So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
