Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
