How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
