I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
