The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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