Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
