last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
