You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
