Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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