Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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