somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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