Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
