is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
