she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
