Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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