just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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