If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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