i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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