I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
