She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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