i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize