So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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