WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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