Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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