Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So vagazzling was a success
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
