Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york

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(317): View more from Indiana

when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single

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(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

(1-973): View more from New Jersey

Guess she heard her killer coming

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(631): View more from New York

He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...

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(910): View more from North Carolina

You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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(503): View more from Oregon

Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.

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(954): View more from Florida

I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.

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(415): View more from California

I want you inside me. Finish your papers.

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