you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
