It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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