found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
