So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
