I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize