I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
