And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
