You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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