I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Come see our sink grown plant.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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