waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
