I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
