Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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