i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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