i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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