I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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