My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
