He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
