I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
