Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
