Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
