So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
