Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
