Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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