even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We are two peas in an std pod
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
