If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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