I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
