So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
