Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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