I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
