I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
