I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
