Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
