I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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