saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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