My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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