party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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