Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
