So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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