I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize