I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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