She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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