I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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