I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
