I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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