She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
