Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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