I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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