now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
